The Season of Rest.
A video I listened to lately stated “If busyness is your drug of choice, rest will feel like stress.” Immediately my ears perked up and I mentally took note of the small pings of anxiousness I have felt stirring in the last month. My mind has been wafting through a laundry list of projects I should do, new things I should try or places we should be going because we now have the chance to. The video then goes on to say that crossing of list and keeping your plate prepped with the next task can be a way to put off processing through your thoughts and feelings - good or bad. In essence, being too busy can be…..
The last year has been a busy one. The birth of our twins, raising a two year old, moving to a new house that has lots of projects, maintaining the flower business, and dealing with several toddler surgeries on top. It has been a really good year but not much for down time. In the last month all things have slowed to a more manageable level. Instead of reveling in the rest, I have felt myself unable to enjoy it, always looking for new tasks to fill these small pauses. I’ve been looking for the remedy in different routines and task but when I heard this video, I knew that what I was missing was true times of rest.
Before this last year I found solace in nature. I would ground myself by a walk in the woods, coffee on the porch, time in the flowers, and a quick journal though my thoughts. As my list of things to do got bigger, these things got squeezed out. I thought what I needed was more time doing things for me but what I really need is less time doing things period.
My time spent doing simple quiet things - not TikTok or death scrolling - but truly quiet things is when I did all of my processing. When I got to take mental note of all the emotions I was feeling. It gave me time to relish in the joy of watching my kids learn to love our new home in the country. Down time helped me process the excitement of watching my new business grow. Down time helped me recognize and grieve the change in identity that comes with getting older and moving to a different period in life. Without down time all of my feelings were washing off the surface, never being given a chance to soak in. I had worked so hard to make so many goals of ours come true, but I wasn’t letting the satisfaction of them settle in.
So I think the remedy for me is to resist the urge to fill all my time with action and instead make a conscious choice to be bored. I need to do a few more low key activities - walking, journaling - in places that I’m not tempted to do a quick tidy up, fold the laundry, or do the dishes. These things are important but some true downtime is too.